Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize