is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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