I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
