you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
