Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
