i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
