She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
