My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
