She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
