A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
