Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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