Your face is a jimmy john
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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