I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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