woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
