The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No subtext here. People are naked.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
