you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
