Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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