I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
