when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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