why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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