Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize