i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
