dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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