pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
