I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
