My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
