Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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