theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
