apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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