I need to stop coming to work sober
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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