I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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