If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need water and some morals
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
