the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This baby is an asshole
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
