i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
