my phone needs a breathalizer
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize