spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
