Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
