Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
