Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize