anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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