he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
