Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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