Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
