well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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