pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize