Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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