I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't turn off my feet"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
