i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
