He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
