omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
