Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
