I bet he comes in French.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
