My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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