They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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