My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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