The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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