My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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