This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
