I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
