I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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