I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
