Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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