You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
