dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
