i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
