I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
