Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
