apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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