The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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