If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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