she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
