i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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