I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
