I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I forget how to act sober
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
