Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
