Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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