So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
