I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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