I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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