i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
