girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
