tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
