John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
