I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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