He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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