It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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