Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
