Having a random hookup so left but love u
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize