My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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