Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
