what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
