My boss' voice literally gives me gas
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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