I look better un-naked...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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