That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
