if you like me you must not know who I am
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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