The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
