Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
