ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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