my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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