I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
