yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
