Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
