Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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