i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
