he puts the penis in happiness.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
