i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
